Soul Making – Individuation as a Sacrament

On Isla Tortuga, a place that is not too distant from the villa, a trip that takes about an hour by car and boat, was the site where I took this photo of a Black Vulture.  This particular bird was watching the antics of a number of other birds as well as a wild pig on the ground below.  It was obvious that he was patient, waiting for life to present him with his next meal.  Life is meaning enough for this bird and all the other life forms with the exception of us humans – or so I think.

Meaning – that is what drives me to search continually within and without.  I hear others talk about “this is all there is” in a world that is fully a world with only the dimension of things that are identifiable by the senses of sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste.  Anything else is fantasy, a figment and a lie.  In the end, all we are doing is putting in time, just like this Black Vulture.

But, I don’t accept this belief system.  And so, I continue the work of soul-making.  For me, the work is more important that much of what otherwise fills most lives, the busyness of doing.  The soul becomes my temple and the honouring of soul through self-discovery becomes a holy sacrament.

Psychological work is soul work.  . . . By soul, I mean the eternal part of us that lives in this body for a few years, the timeless part of ourselves that wants to create timeless objects like art, painting and architecture.  Whenever the ego surrenders to the archetypal images of the unconscious, time meets the timeless.  Insofar as those moments are conscious, they are psychological – they belong to the sould.  . . . For me, soul-maiking is allowing the eternal essence to enter and experience the outer world through all the orifices of the body . . . so that the soul grows during its time on Earth.  It grows like an embryo in the womb.  Soul-making is constantly confronting the paradox that an eternal being is dwelling in a temporal body.  That’s why it suffers, and learns by heart.  (Marion Woodman, Conscious Femininity:  Interviews with Marion Woodman, pp 134-135; cited in Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 37-38)

For those who base the depth of the world only on their senses, I would like to gift them with a hope for a meaningful life, one in which there is an urge to creativity, to reflection, to consciousness, a religious urge that has at its centre, the soul.  I don’t mean religion in the form of a church, but a dimension of being, one that points beyond the smallness of ego to encompass purposeful meaning within a universe which has purposeful meaning.

In the Swamplands in Search of Soul

As I was walking down the street as evening was deepening into night, I came across a pair of toads, Cane Toads that were in the ditch.  I managed to get a few photographs using flash with this photo being the one that I chose for this post.  For me toads and frogs evoke images of swamplands, bogs, sloughs and standing pools of water in ditches.

Frogs also have made an appearance in my life based on my ethnic heritage.  I am a French-Canadian and often was called a “frog” by the anglophones.  Being called a frog is about being marginalised, about being devalued.  I taught my children how to take their power back when being called frog.  They learned to respond with croaking sounds and claiming that their favourite colour was green.

Little did I know that this denizen of swamplands would be more of who I really was than that of being French-Canadian.  I learned that I was able, like the frog, to move between the dry land of consciousness and the swamplands of the unconsciousness when I began the search for meaning, in search for survival.  When I read James Hollis’ book, Swamplands of the Soul:  New Life in Dismal Places, I began to appreciate just what was happening to my self.  It seemed that the world suddenly became awash in all kinds of books about soul. This is what Jung had to say about what was happening to me:

Among all my patients in the second half of life – that is to say, over thirty-five – there has not been one whose problem in the last resort was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.  It is safe to say that every one of them fell ill because he had lost what the living religions of every age have given to their followers, and none of them has been really healed who did not regain his religious outlook. (Jung, CW 11, par 509; cited in Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 35)

This is where the search for self transforms into a search for soul.  There is a need to find meaning, a need to plumb the depths of the unknown in search of something that is greater than what has been the sum total of life as experienced.  All the stuff, the relationships, the activities lose their power to sustain and in doing so, they become a poor substitute for life, for explaining life and giving it meaning.  There is a desperate need to come to grips with the shadows within, shadows that clamour and shriek in hopes of being recognized as part of self.

And once the journey into the swamplands has validated the existence of something more than the ego, something more than our ego’s agitations in the world, the self begins to burn brighter.  Self-discovery has led to a discovery of something greater than self.  And it is this which feeds the conscious spirit for it has discovered its mate in the depths of the swampland, the soul.

Beyond Good and Evil – Apologies to F.W. Nietzsche

Moments before dawn the moon descends behind the trees on a hill to the west.  With the dawn and sunlight, the ghosts and presences that hint at evil are banished so that the good will rightfully claim its place in the light of day.  As a child and in all the years since, the world has taught me that there is good and evil.  Good wears white and evil wears black.  Evil feeds at night while good celebrates in the sunshine.  Think of the white knight versus the black night.  Then I learned that what is called good and evil is just a view of the world.  One’s position in the world provides us with different understandings of good and evil.  Then I learned that the two aren’t really separate things, but polarities of the same thing.

One thing that highlights this good and evil as a perspective is found in the world of religion.  Each religion, by definition, sees is theology, its belief system based on good.  The value of the religion is as serving as a guide to living and being good.  The value of the church is found in its providing a place of temenos, a place of sacred safety for the soul of its people.  Knowing this, that each religion is based on these basic principles, why do we have these “good” religions go to war against each other?  Why is the “other” religion seen as being the holder of “evil?”  Why?  I think it has to do with seeing the world in black and white – “Either we are right, we are good, we are going in the direction of heaven, or else we are wrong and heading straight to hell.”

Again, it is the classic situation of projection. only this time it is a collective projection.  Withdraw the projections and everyone becomes ordinary with ordinary needs, living in patterns that transcend local place and time.

And for me?  Well, there is good and evil, of this I have no doubt.  But, both are hosted in my full self.  My conscious self is seen, for the most part as good and aware that I am able to be even better if …

And then there is my shadow.  The more I deny this shadow, the more damage I do to myself and others, the more that darkness, unconsciousness, controls and guides.  I am aware that I have a shadow, a heart of darkness buried deep within.  Being aware of that shadow and acknowledging its rightful place seems to lessen the pressure.  The shadow becomes less of a shadow, less of a chaotic negative force in my outer life.

While this happens, I give up the need to be saintly.  I know that I am neither a saint nor a demon.  I move beyond good and evil into a place of balance weighted down with both the dark and the light as I journey through life.

Conscience as a Psychological Rather Than Sociological Function

Only unconscious and wholly uncritical people can imagine it possible to abide in a permanent state of moral goodness.  But because most people are devoid of self-criticism, permanent self-deceptions is the rule.  (Jung, CW 10, par 843; cited in Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, p. 27

Today’s photo is one of the species of lizards that I have photographed so far in Costa Rica.  This one reminds me of a miniature dragon with a hint of dinosaur ancestors.  One almost gets the feeling of a life form that has no sense of having a conscience.  In a way, it provides a glimpse of what it might be like to have Borderline Personality Disorder, a state where there is no sense of right or wrong, just doing what one wants/needs to do with no thought of others, no sense of compassion or responsibility.  Yes, cold-blooded like this reptile.  For those who might be interested, this is a Common Basilisk.  Another name for this lizard is the Jesus Christ Lizard because of its ability to run across the surface of water.  This is a rather common lizard in Playa Jacó.

I have to admit that I do hear a voice in my head that lets me know its opinion, especially if it is opposite to what my ego is thinking/planning/doing.  My conscience is often a pain in the ass making me feel guilty even though I haven’t done anything wrong.  Talk about doing things wrong, where is my conscience then?  It would be better if my conscience was actually looking out for me and thus save me being embarrassed or providing me with a heads up so that I wouldn’t get into trouble with others and with community.  It has taken some time, but I finally get it that my conscience isn’t a voice from outside like some good Christian angel who works hard at trying to lead me to a life that would finally lead me to heaven.

What I needed to learn that conscience in Jungian terms is a personal psychic function base on ethics or “ethos.”  Conscience isn’t about what society, what community has to say about morality.  Springing from within, conscience is in the service of self.  The voice of conscience lets us know “this way do not go.”  To go against this inner voice is to lose more than could ever be gained, lose in a personal sense.  So what if in following one’s conscience, one’s inner truth, one’s inner voice, one loses a job, a mate, a friend, or even life?  Is the price of keeping all and perhaps becoming richer than needed, more powerful than others, is the price of one’s soul recompense enough?  I found it interesting that one hears the same message in the bible, a quotation of the words of Jesus (King James Bible, Mark 8-36, 37)

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Perhaps, listening to the inner voice, choosing to act, be, do according to that voice in spite of the pressures of the world around us is akin to the lizard above where we walk on water, walk on the foundation of the inner truths which are linked to a larger universal truth, something outside the control and definition of human.

Getting What One Deserves or Needs

Those who think that talking about a relationship will help it get better put the cart before the horse.  Work on yourself and a good relationship will follow.  You can either accept who you are and find a relationship that fits, or twist yourself out of shape and get what you deserve. (Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 23)

Ouch!  There doesn’t seem to be anything fair about this.  This photo seems appropriate in illustrating twisting one’s self out of shape in trying to fit where there isn’t a fit possible.   As I watched the sun sink into the Pacific Ocean, it made me think of self, giving up on self as it tries to be what the other wants and needs.  Another image came to mind as well, that of the union of male and female and the “small death” that follows climax.  There is a small death each day when the sun disappears,  However, a new day, a sunrise awaits.  And in the new day, one again will have the choice to make of accepting who one is or denying who one is.  It isn’t a one time opportunity.  We are faced with choice each day, faced with choice with each interaction.

With any luck, the relationship you are in will also be the relationship that fits.  If not, what are you going to do about it?

Working on a Relationship – Self, Other and Anima

This is a photo of a Groove-Billed Ani, a strange looking bird as you can see.  I have other photos of this bird, but this was the first one I got that didn’t involve power lines.  One thing I have noticed about this bird is its tendency to sit in the sun with his wings spread wide, soaking up the sun’s rays.  In a way, he reminds me of myself here in Costa Rica with my own wings spread wide in order to soak up the sun.

Soaking up the sun is not simply about getting tanned all over, it is about being filled and about being emptied at the same time.  It is about working on relationship with my “self.”  Strange how this working on one’s self has the added bonus of being at work on relationship with other as well.

Here is what Sharp has to say about working on relationship:

You work on relationship by shutting your mouth when you are ready to explode; by not inflicting your affect on the other person; by quietly leaving the battlefield and tearing your hair out; by asking yourself – not your partner – what complex in you was activated, and to what end.   The proper question is not, “Why is she doing that to me?” or “Who does he think he is?” but rather, “Why am I reacting this way? Who do I think he or she is?”  And more: “What does this say about my psychology?  What can I do it?” (Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 22)

There is some very important stuff in what Sharp says.  What it doesn’t say is the fact that the relationship is even more complicated that this, that there is not only the sorting out of self, anima and with withdrawing of projections that a man is responsible for; there is also the same dynamic that needs to take place on the part of the woman in the relationship, her work on self, animus and the withdrawing of projections.  Given that all of this takes place, there is no guarantee that the relationship will survive as the two individuals may decide that staying together isn’t in the best interests of either party.

Is all of this worth the effort?  Why not just let sleeping dogs lie and suck it up and go on with life as it is?  Well, it just doesn’t work that way.  Once the box has been opened, there is no turning back.  Is it better then never to address the issues of the shadow, the anima/animus and the rest of the contents of the unconscious?  Is it better to deny the urge to self discovery?

Perhaps.  If one can avoid the inner world and only focus on the outer world, it might save a world of grief.  Perhaps it would help if one was an extravert.  But, for myself, an introvert, it isn’t possible.  I would go crazy and self-destruct.  I would lose my soul.  And so, I begin to work on relationship in earnest by first getting to know more about my self, my complexes, the faces of anima, the reflections of self that appear in others through projection.  Then, I will see how relationship with others in my face-to-face world are also transformed.  I will see how relationships stand the alchemical heat.

Assimilating Aspects of Anima – Death and Rebirth

This morning was different from most mornings here in Costa Rica.  For one thing, I slept in until 6:00 AM.  Ie got a solid eight hours of sleep and had no intention of going out for a morning run along the beach.  Yesterday, I was too tired and had planned on a day off for today.  As a result, I was sitting on the small patio having my morning coffee when this fellow and two mates came to sit for a brief moment on the wires just a short distance away.  I only got to take this one photo before they were gone.  Somehow, I think it might be a Red-Throated Ant Tanager.  If I am wrong, I hope someone can help me out in identifying him.

I find this little bird of special interest, specifically because of his colour.  The orange-red chest makes me think of heat and change – alchemy.  Alchemy makes me think of how things transform through assimilation.  Alchemy speaks of death and rebirth, thoughts of the Phoenix rising out of its own ashes come to mind.

I want to return to my work in progress, getting to know anima and in the process, becoming more animated.

The assimilation of a particular anima-image results in its death, so to speak.  That is to say, as one personification to another.  anima development in a man is thus a continuous process of death and rebirth.  An overview of this process is very important in surviving the transition stage between one anima-image and the next.  Just as no real woman relishes being discarded for another, so no anima figure willingly takes second place to her upstart rival.  In this regard, as in so much else involved in a person’s psychological development, the good is the enemy of the better.  To have contact with your inner woman at all is a blessing; to be tied to one that holds you back can be fatal. (Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 15)

I don’t know how this really all makes sense, but the words jumped out at me when I read them.  In a way they give me permission to change, to not get stuck in some place in time where I became a better person, but not yet the best person I could be.  As I change, I sense that things are shifting beyond my field of vision, deep within and in the world without.

Remembering that the face and voice of anima that aren’t made conscious are often projected onto an “other,” becoming aware of these previously hidden faces of anima and assimilation of this into the psyche results in a withdrawal of those projections.  There is no doubt in my mind that in withdrawing projections, one stands in a different relationship with the other, one that may or may not be viewed positively.  The self changes, consciously.  The other readjusts position in relation to this re-animated self; and in the process enters uncertain terrain, especially as the terrain begins to show signs of constant shifting.  The thoughts that one knows the other is thrown into doubt, a doubt that forces one to begin considering self.  And the relationship changes from two enmeshed into a pairing of separate selves.

All of this, perhaps, is nothing more than words.  However for me, there is a symbolism that is being affirmed by the images that appear before me, images such as this bird.  In the time spent here, I have been sunbathing and losing tan lines, becoming fully cooked with the heat piercing deep – purposefully mixing the alchemical pieces to purposefully spur on the transformations as though there was no time to waste.  And like this bird, I have turned a deep brown and red colour on the outside, a changed outer shell that proclaims that the faces and masks of the past are now gone.  What is next?  Where next?  Well, the work is unfinished so I will not worry overmuch about these questions.  Rather, I will live the processes.

On Being Animated – In an Alchemical Cauldron

This is a Yellow-Crowned Euphonia, a bird I have never seen before.  I managed to get its photo yesterday morning when I took a solitary walk in mid-morning.  There is no doubt that this bird’s colours seemed to animate the otherwise flat intense light of the morning’s walk.  It was a walk that produced a few surprises in terms of photographs and in terms of good thinking time.

I have been spending a bit of time thinking about anima, about soul.  I am finding that as I do so, I invite her presence and in return, my life becomes more animated, my life has more colour, more passion and more joie de vivre.  Is it simply the switch from the cold of the Canadian Prairies?  Is it simply the intense heat of the sun here in Costa Rica?  Likely it is neither of these and both of these.

My partner has noted the difference in my way of being, has commented on how I have somehow left the darkness and lack of ambition and passion that I was experiencing on the prairies.  Instead of waking up lethargic at 8:00 am as I did in my Canadian home, here I am up somewhere between 4:30 and 5:30 every morning.  The difference shows up in many ways, especially in my increase in enthusiasm to do things.  I have become more animated.   These are sure signs that I am taking care of my soul.  Now for a few words from Daryl Sharp on the topic:

Jung had a number of descriptions and definitions of the anima, such as soul-image and archetype of life itself, but in this essay he focuses on her as the “projection-making factor” in a man’s psyche.  She saves a man from being a stick-in-the-mud, prods him to adventure and the taking of risks, alternately enlivens and maddens him.  And everything she does to him inside is reflected and amplified, through projection, in his activities and relationships in the outside world. (Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 12)

Now, if you have noticed, I have been taking risks here in terms of transparency and authenticity.  I guess I could blame the influence of anima for this.  It is as if I am being submersed into a cauldron where the heat is being turned up so that the transformation process pace speeds up – literally and figuratively.  Are the manifestations showing up here influencing my relationships with the outside world that meets with me on this blog site?  Are the manifestations showing up in the physical space where I am now found influencing my relationships?  I can answer the last question without hesitation – yes!  It is too early to say whether or not these changes are welcomed or acceptable in the “other,” but that is for time to work out one way or another.  But for this space?  I honestly don’t know.  Only you can answer that question, and only in terms of yourself.  I look forward to your responses.

Anima (Animus) – Archetype and Complex and a Matter of Soul

Since I am a man, my contra-sexual other, my soul is Anima, the inner feminine guide.  Strangely this anima is integral to who I am as well as being a distinct other, an other with its own autonomy that transcends the boundaries of “self.”  This photo captures the essence of anima for me, that dark, moist feminine that is both mystery and comfort, and more often, frustration.  Who ever said that having a soul was easy.

Before going further, I want to just add that animus, the contra-sexual other and soul for women becomes the second half of the larger universal soul, an essence that requires both for balance and wholeness.

That said, I will let Jung explain it better than I ever could:

The autonomy of the collective unconscious expresses itself in the figures of anima and animus.  They personify those of its contents, which, when withdrawn from projection, can be integrated into consciousness.  To this extent, both figures represent functions which filter the contents of the unconscious through to the conscious mind . . . Though the effects of anima and animus can be made conscious, they themselves are factors transcending consciousness and beyond the reach of perception and volition.  Hence they remain autonomous despite the integration of their contents, and for this reason they should be  borne constantly in mind. (Jung, CW 9ii, par 40; cited in Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 10)

Heartening news, I can reclaim those lost aspects of self that are embodied in the anima, but as Jung carefully notes, anima is more than those aspects of self.  Becoming aware of this nature of anima, I can pay better attention to her appearance in dreams and in my projections.  She serves as a beacon and as a guide.  She lets me know when I am betraying my soul, when I am causing grief to my self and to any woman who is the recipient of my projections, those denials of inner darkness.

As I meet anima as a figure in my dreams, she takes on a host of roles, that of mother, lover, child, witch and grace.  She allows me to learn to come to grips with complexes surrounding the feminine.  And in gifting me with her presence, I slowly gain awareness of those dark spaces.  And like the moon in the photo, light is brought into the darkness.  And like the moon, her existence is more than as a set of faces in my dreams.  She is shared with a larger world, a world in which together with her opposite, animus, becomes the holy whole of a universal soul.

The Man in the Moon – A Mother Complex

I’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to get a clear photo of the full moon, the first full moon of 2010.  At least, that is, until this morning.  It is an issue of the camera.  Since the moon setting was later this morning, I had enough light for the camera.  Regardless, mission accomplished.  My next camera will have to have better and easier control in low light situations.

That said, the fact that I had to wait until the day in order to fully capture the moon in the photo has many possible meanings for me, psychologically.  The first is that of bringing unconscious contents to enough light so that part of the mystery of the unconscious is able to be appreciated.  Of course, this is only part of what could be uncovered, so to speak.  As I become more aware, I am more able to handle the exposure of more of the unconscious.  As I become a better photographer with a better camera, I can capture a clearer image of something so far away, and for the most part, cloaked in darkness.

On another level, I see this photo as an honouring of my own anima, my own inner feminine.  It also takes on my relationship to the mother archetype.   And, if possible, it evokes relationship.

Updated with second photo and extra commentary.

I took the above photo and added in a Vitruvian Man partial so as to “fit” with the subject line of this post.  It is a continuation of the notion of transparency as well as trying to show the lack of clarity that is real when trying to discover “self.” (end of updated portion)

In an essay in Volume 9i in the Collected Works series by Carl Gustav Jung, the “Psychological Aspects of the Mother Complex,” Jung powerfully looks at various faces of a mother complex, both from a the lens of a woman and the lens of a man.  Daryl Sharp added some insight for me into relationships and conflict and how the mother complex can actually be viewed from a positive manner.

To “turn away” from a relationship does not necessarily mean to leave it, or to stop loving someone.  It may simply involve paying more attention to oneself that to the other person.  But even this much is a heroic feat for a man with a positive mother complex.  It requires a ruthlessness, of self-confidence, that is alien to his ego but characteristic of his unsentimental shadow.  If he is not up to it – which to someone he’s involved with may look like a lack of relatedness, no heart 0 he will suffer the consequences:  loss of soul. (Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book One, 2008, pp 109-110)

Now this is just what I needed to hear, that “turning away” from an “other” in order to know more about “self” is not the same thing as leaving, abandoning or giving up on the relationship.  I think that this is where most modern day couples end up in separation and divorce.  The collective level of consciousness is too low for the task of holding the tension between self and other when one or both need to turn away, need to turn within.