Mirroring Inner and Outer Reality

This will be the last of the Changzhou, China photos in this series of posts.  I have chosen this photo of the canal along Jinling Lu heading towards the centre of the city.  From my apartment to the city centre was a walk of seven kilometres, something I was willing to do as it allowed me to see so much.  Often I would take different routes to the city centre.  As you can see, Changzhou has a very modern face as well as the scenes of deconstruction.

It is only to be expected that the collective consciousness and unconsciousness is found in the individual.  A close study of one’s environment can reveal aspects of self that have been lost to conscious awareness.  Individually, we move forward.  Each of us is unique and as we struggle to become more aware of ourselves and our communities and the world at large, we do so in relation to others.

We exist in relation though we only ‘know,’ somewhat, ourselves.  We are in relation to the land, water, sky and the elements.  That relation has its own history that shows in our phobias as well as in our passions.  We are in relation to community and family.  Again, our lived history as well as the history of siblings, parents and other extended family members which are still in the collective memory of the family and the community.  Both polarities of positive and negative are alive within the community as well as within ourselves.

We move through this towards a better sense of self always aware that the crystal clear picture of self we project is reflected in such a way as to let us know that this picture is hazy at best as there will always be so much that will remain unconscious with enough of these unconscious contents at the edges hinting that all isn’t as it seems.

Inside Looking Out

As I wandered the lanes of an older section of Changzhou, a part of the city that was being razed in order to make way for more modern buildings that would hold more people, I wandered inside a number of the old broken buildings and discovered remnants of lives lived, little snapshots of families that used to call these places home.  And looking out from within these buildings I saw the world differently.

It’s not much different when on a journey through the dark, inner swamplands.  Seemingly locked in the darkness, battling unseen powerful forces, one is able to glimpse some of the scene of the outer world.  That outer world is framed in black, is somehow surrounded by shadow a collective and personal unconsciousness.  A path exists that leads from the swamplands of soul back into the outer world, but that path is not a smooth road, it is a broken road, a road that is littered and crumbling with all the fears and detritus of one’s psyche.

It is only by turning to look at the shadows, the shifting presences within, that one loosen the power of those shadows and shapes.  It is only by examinintg all that has been banished within, that one is freed from their power, a power magnified when denied.  It isn’t much different from the outer world.  The power of attraction is increased when one tries to deny the attraction, not lessened.  In honouring the attraction and seeing it for what it is in reality, one is finally able to look with perspective, to feel with perspective.  The shadows and shapes within become less powerful, less controlling as we honour their existence and place within us.

In doing this work, we are able to move back towards the outer world as a participant rather than as a broken victim and refugee suffering from an inner world battleground, suffering from what is really no different from the Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome experience by a soldier broken by war in an outer world battleground.

Deconstruction of Self – Reconstruction of Self

I took this while on a walk down a broken street filled with broken buildings.  Among the deconstruction going on all around, this man sat in front of his home.  It was a Sunday afternoon though this didn’t seem to mean much in terms of work day or weekend day.  Somehow, I felt that he was on a day off from work.  That said, there is a sense that all is not well, a sense of depression on the edges.

I have to admit that this image speaks strongly to me of the feelings I felt going through my own midlife crisis, a crisis that found its expression in relationships in the home, at work and in the community.  I wore my personae as needed to keep things balanced, but beneath I felt the deconstruction of my ’self’ in process.  Beneath the exterior of clothes and roles maintained, there was real desperation.  The inner spaces were far from scenes of beauty and peace.   Rather, the image of peeling paint, crumbling cement with broken spaces filled with skeletons of what ‘used to be’ was what I met creeping out into my outer world.  Hope was not high on my agenda.  Most times, I longed for escape from the deconstruction of ’self.’  I didn’t have hope for what would emerge.

Still, my training told me that this furnace, this hell within was a necessary process, an alchemical process, which would allow a more self aware ’self’ to emerge.  In watching the deconstruction happening in the city in which this man lived, I saw new homes, new views, emerge from the deconstruction of the old homes and old neighbourhoods.  There was a confirmation for me of that alchemical and transformational process I had endured a decade previously, a process I still endure, a process that will continue as long as I have a sense of ’self.’

Salvage and Deconstruction

Another photo from Changzhou, China.  Taking down old buildings in preparation for new ones is usually a slower process.  Often it is an exercise in rescuing materials, salvage of bricks and iron.  When I first went to China in the fall of 2006 when this photo was taken, I was fortunate to wander a long ways down a street that was more traditional, an area that reminded me of slums, yet not slums.  It was an area that had been told it was to disappear in order to make way for better and more housing for more people.

A lot of people still lived, worked and played in the area even while the deconstruction was happening all around them, something that I was surprised to see.  And those people weren’t the homeless poor, they were the residents who had decided to wait until the last moment before leaving their homes which had often served as home for generations.  They saw their world coming apart, aware that change was going to happen whether they wanted that change or not.

This was a good lesson for me.  As I struggled with trying to integrate material coming up from the unconscious, I felt more desperate about losses rather than accepting the fact that I was changing.  This photo became symbolic of how I viewed the loss of old beliefs about who I was.  I wandered through the charred remains of what was, searching for a way back.  I didn’t see the process as a time to pick through the pieces and rescue what needed to be taken forward into the newer version of myself.

Any change in the environment demands a new adaptation, which in return requires a change in the attitude that was previously quite adequate.But a suitable attitude – that is, one that works in a given situation – is invariably characterized by a certain one-sidedness and is therefore resistant to change.  When a particular attitude is no longer appropriate for the external situation, the stage is set for neurosis. (Sharp, Jungian Psychology Unplugged, 1998, p. 88)

Appearances Deceive – Persona and Psyche

This photo was taken in Changzhou, the city that was home for two years.  This canal was only a few short blocks off the junction of two main streets in the downtown area.  The coned buds on the tree to the left side are large brilliant mauve flowers in the spring.  It was simply amazing to me how the most modern buildings, upscale shopping area and huge shopping crowds could be bordered in just two blocks by this scene which dates back significantly in time, to reveal a different face for China.

This is pretty much the same story, when I think about it, for me.  I have a certain polish when I get dressed up.  I show my age, but it is not a dated age.  It is more a modern maturity that “fits” with modern society.  My mask and persona work well and all is well in terms of being at one with the collective.

But, if I retreat even just a little bit, just enough to get a bit of perspective, I see something else about myself.  I see that the mask is simply a mask.  Under that mask there is a curious combination of light and dark, of shadows and mystery, of exposed warts and wrinkles.  And running through this self beneath the mask is an unconsciousness that looks like it might be gentle an peaceful, but in truth is a dangerous place.

Below that peaceful reflective surface …  Well, it is all unknown … and often one is right in fearing the unknown … encourage that unknown into the conscious self and all becomes forever changed … and the fear that the ego will be overpowered, possessed …

Individuation and Loneliness

This is a follow-up to the last post, another photo of the canal surrounding Tiger Hill Park in Suzhou, China.  This time, the scene includes people.  As I mentioned earlier, I am in the process of preparing photos for a book on China, one that focuses on one city, Changzhou, a city not to distant from Suzhou.  Perhaps when I have finished the book or two based on Changzhou, I will attempt to write about other places in China that I have visited, places such as Beijing, Shanghai, Xi’an, Suzhou, Nanjing, Nanning, Haikou, Sanya and Chongqing.  Two years in China has resulted in changes within, something I didn’t expect.

Like anyone else heading to China to teach English, I say it as a way to save my pension cheques and make retired life in the future just a little more secure economically.  I saw the venture as a way to see the world on someone else’s dime.  I had paid my dues as a teacher for thirty some years and now, I thought it was time to be rewarded.  Both motives, that of saving money and having others pay for my being a tourist were realised.  However, China was much, much more than that.

In China, all the rules were off.  What I had learned as common sense in societal behaviours was not applicable.  I quickly understood that I basically knew nothing that was helpful.  The only good thing for me was my natural tendency towards being a quiet person.  Not knowing the language reinforced my quietness.  Yet the strangeness was intriguing enough for me to wander outside of my safe apartment in order to listen, to watch and to study the world around me at that time.  It was almost as if I had again engaged in hero’s journey.

As an experienced teacher, I had little difficulty in teaching.  In fact, it was as if I was a superhero in the classroom.  I was loved and could do no wrong.  Other teachers came to watch me teach and soon wanted to establish friendships that would benefit them with extra English language contact as well as perhaps helping them to make their own teaching situations better for them and their students.  It didn’t take long for me to begin to see myself as a superhero type of person in China.  There are dangers when one develops a mana personality.  Recognizing the dangers, I looked within and saw the trap I was setting for myself if I bought into an inflated ego.

Every step toward greater consciousness creates a kind of Promethean guilt.  Through self-knowledge, the gods are, as it were, robbed of their fire; that is, something that was the property of the unconscious powers is torn out of its natural context and subordinated to the whims of the conscious mind.  The one who has “stolen” the new knowledge becomes alienated from others.  The pain of this loneliness is the vengeance of the gods, for never again can one return to the fold. (Sharp, Digesting Jung, 2001, p. 120)

The is no superhero here, no special person “chosen” by the gods.  There is only a person who has become yet more different than before, more of an individual, a person that finds himself or herself more alone than ever.  If I was to hold to the role being cast for me in China, I would lose both my sense of self, I would find myself more and more isolated as well.  I refused to believe in the myth that placed me in the role of teacher superhero.  I laughed at my moments of hubris.  And, I began to learn liking my warts, the faults that made me one just like everyone else.

Maintaining Essential Connections

This photo was taken in Suzhou, China, at the edges of a large park area called Tiger Hill.  The canal surrounds the whole park area.  While travelling the length of the canal, many side canals branched off to head to other parts of the city making their way eventually to the main canal. These particular boats are for tourist, most of whom are Chinese.  It is a beautiful scene; the ride was serene and peaceful.  For a few moments, one entered a different world, an unreal world.  For a few moments one lives an illusion.

For me as for many others, water is symbolic of the unconscious.  I think that this might have to do with our pre-emergent existence within an amniotic sac in which water was home.  And the ultimate source of that water was “mother.”  Now, as an adult, water has a sense of power and mystery that both entices and terrifies.  It is the great unknown.

Having dared a number of small journeys into the inner world in the guise of a hero, I, like so many others, have emerged a different person.  Like many others who have taken these journeys, I have come to the conclusion that I am connected to something larger, yet I remain small in comparison.  I feel more humbled than enlarged.  A few who have dared these small journeys have emerged larger.  I worry about them.

In choosing this photo, this morning, I went through my bookshelves in search of something suitable to “fit.”  I didn’t really know what I was looking for.  But on looking at the books, my eyes stopped at a book by David Tacey called Remaking Men.  Picking up the book, I opened the book and immediately found this passage:

Jung insists that individuation is above all, a dialogue with the unconscious psyche.  The ego needs to maintain its essential connection with social reality as it attempts to ‘have it out’ with the unconscious forces.  As the ego makes its ‘descent’ for the sake of renewal, it must resist the ‘inertia’ of the unconscious, and the forces that would paralyse it, and maintain its human integrity at all costs.  A tell-tale sign of failure is the tendency to inflate one’s insignificance … (Tacey, Remaking Men, 1997, p. 19)

It is too easy to get caught up with archetype and shadow and allow the self to become inflated.  In my opinion, all who stand tall, too tall, in their self-assigned roles as shamanic figures, as leaders and guides, are lost a bit or more in their own unconsciousness.  I often wonder if it wouldn’t be best to become a hermit and live a life of silence in some remote place.  But then again, even this is a conceit.  And so, I resist all of this and remain a flawed and confused person living as best I can in a flawed and confused world.

 

Jade Buddha

I am currently going through my China photos in hopes of selecting the right ones for a book that I want to produce before heading out to Costa Rica for three months of warmth.  The book will be about an insignificant city in the eyes of the western world.  Truth is, many people in China are unaware of this city as well.  Having spent two years in that city as a university prof, I got to know some of its beauty.   It is a city of contrasts.  After a few weeks into my stay there, the idea for a book about the city which showed two faces of the city, Modern Changzhou and Old Changzhou – a tale of two cities through photography.  Again, the world of polarities was front and centre in my consciousness.

Jade is believed to symbolise fertility, wisdom and tranquillity.  These three states of being are highly valued in China.

The Hunter as Mythic Hero

This is a photo I took in mid-October while on an elk hunt with my son-in-law (that’s him carrying his compound bow up a hill).  We began the hunt in darkness driving into the rolling bush covered hills where we hoped to find elk.  Once we parked the half-ton, we walked for several kilometres in the darkness following a fence line.  A think layer of snow made it easy to follow the trail and recognize where we would take our position in order to wait for the elk to move.  After sitting for more than an hour through the darkness and the approach of dawn, it was time to move in order to track the animals.   As I mentioned previously, no elk were shot with the bow, but I did get a few decent photos of the event.  This one talks to me about the inner journey that one begins during the crisis of self at midlife.  The photo also talks to me about the human as more than some modern being dissociated from humanity’s roots.

The hero, therefore, is the man or woman who has been able to battle past his personal and local historical limitations to the generally valid, normal human forms.  Such a one’s visions , ideas, and inspirations come pristine from the primary springs of human life and thought.  Hence they are eloquent, not of the present, disintegrating society and psyche, but of the unquenched source through which society is reborn.  The here has died as a modern man; but as eternal man – perfected, unspecific, universal man – he has been reborn.  His second solemn task and deed therefore … is to return then to us, transfigured, and teach the lesson he has learned of life renewed. (Campbell, The Hero With a Thousand Faces, 2nd edition,1968, p. 20)

 

A Fractal World

Fractal World - April 24, 1998

Some of my paintings aren’t taken from my dreams such as this one above.  This one is what emerged when I allowed my conscious mind to let go of control in order to see what would appear.  Active imagination is an important way to access the unconscious contents.  Here, the same scene is viewed from two moods, one is content, the other is depressed.  The image tells me that at any given time, the same world exists in different dimensions.  For my purposes, one highlights the masculine aspect of sun and the other highlights the feminine aspect of moon.

This is important stuff for me.  Not only does it talk about the polarities within my “self,” it also talks to me about typology and how opposites both attract and repel in terms of relationships.  The mystery of the “other” always remains a mystery and therefore allows attraction to survive in the long term – this is what the inner self wants and needs.  Yet, the frustration also remains and gets in the way of the wants and needs of the outer self.  I want quite, you want voices.  I need voices, you need quiet.  One is both satisfied and frustrated at the same time.

This polarity of a fractal world is externalised in community and in the broader outer world.  What the world needs and what the world wants are often at odds.  Sadly, it falls to the lowest common denominator where consciousness, itself needs to negotiate to the lowest common level of understanding.  That leaves the collective shadow, the collective unconsciousness a large sphere of influence.  This is when bad things happen collectively.  We see it today in the news, we have seen it in the past when one man’s personal shadow is fed by the collective shadow which in turn raised the level of acted out shadow by the collective.  If you don’t believe that a fractal world exists, look at the polarities in the newspapers, look at your community, look at your relationships – finally, look within.

The whole is made up of all the parts.  There are no parts to be cast off.  We are both shadow and light, god and devil.

~

Just an update to today’s post.  It is time to now give out treats so I want to wish all a Happy Halloween, or a hallowed eve for All Saint’s Day.  Either way, it is a time for the archetypes and shadow figures to come out and play.