Through a Jungian Lens

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Getting What One Deserves or Needs

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Those who think that talking about a relationship will help it get better put the cart before the horse.  Work on yourself and a good relationship will follow.  You can either accept who you are and find a relationship that fits, or twist yourself out of shape and get what you deserve. (Sharp, Jung Uncorked:  Book Two, 2008, p. 23)

Ouch!  There doesn’t seem to be anything fair about this.  This photo seems appropriate in illustrating twisting one’s self out of shape in trying to fit where there isn’t a fit possible.   As I watched the sun sink into the Pacific Ocean, it made me think of self, giving up on self as it tries to be what the other wants and needs.  Another image came to mind as well, that of the union of male and female and the “small death” that follows climax.  There is a small death each day when the sun disappears,  However, a new day, a sunrise awaits.  And in the new day, one again will have the choice to make of accepting who one is or denying who one is.  It isn’t a one time opportunity.  We are faced with choice each day, faced with choice with each interaction.

With any luck, the relationship you are in will also be the relationship that fits.  If not, what are you going to do about it?


4 Responses

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  1. Talk about a gut check! Wow! Although I seem to be reading too many books at once, I might need to get this one and place it into the queue.

    Paul L.

    February 5, 2010 at 11:00 am

    • You are so right about this being a gut check. I don’t actually know if the book(s) are worth buying as they are small and leave so much unsaid. Sharp’s earlier books connect better and Hollis’ books are incredible. Since I have had a personal interaction with Daryl Sharp years ago, I bought the books just to see where he has gone in his own search. That said, I will continue trolling through the three books and posting my resonances here.

      Robert G. Longpré

      February 5, 2010 at 11:37 am

  2. This really hit home and brought up a rule that I have managed to impose on myself somewhere along the line. I have been single for the past 5 years. In that time I have been in love a number of time but never allowed myself to get too close. It has surfaced a few times but as I read this the voice (thought) told me that until I have learned to be me I will not be ready for a relationship. I don’t quite know what to do with this right now because learning to be me or to be comfortable with who I am is a life long journey..


    February 5, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    • Rules – I seem to remember that being a recent topic. Rules imposed by the ego are often the hardest rules to keep as they disregard, even deny the existence of other aspects of self that aren’t ego. Relationships don’t come with guarantees, even if one has done an overwhelming amount of work on self-awareness. It seems that there is another person in the dynamic who might have something to say about it either consciously or unconsciously (likely both). Remember, Jesper, it is the journey that is important. There is no such thing as a sure thing or having one’s ducks all lined up in a row.

      Robert G. Longpré

      February 5, 2010 at 6:43 pm

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