Where Is Here?
Yesterday’s post was “How do I get there from here?” Today, I want to look deeper into the question, narrow the focus which then forces me to change the question itself. “Where is here?” Without first knowing where one is, it is impossible to hope to find a way to “there.” Of course “here” and “there” are relative terms as one can only be where one is. This is one of the lessons I’ve been learning the hard way, the only way I seem to learn anything worth knowing.
I have always been on the move in one way or another. My father was always in search of something, always trying to escape a different thing. He wanted escape from his lot in life and wanted to live his dream. The only problem with this is he had never defined his dream other than not being where he was. This way of being in the world meant that as a child and youth, I was shifted from place to place and never quite found myself becoming attached to a place or people along the many roads and highways we travelled throughout Canada and parts of the U.S.A. I did however find a way to stop moving in terms of postal address for twenty years, the period of time in which I took on the role of parenting. I wanted my children to have what I didn’t have – a sense of belonging somewhere, a sense of belonging to someone.
Now that the children have homes of their own, I find that I have been travelling again, changing postal addresses though not at the same speed as I did as a youth. More than the changing of addresses was the return to unsettledness, the gypsy state of the spirit. Changing locations in Canada, and including Mexico, Costa Rica and China did not really allow me to find what was missing in being “here.” Visiting countries hoping for a light to turn on didn’t do it either. I only learned that the world was big and filled with people and that despite all the differences in climate and cultures, there were more similarities than differences. I learned that the answer isn’t out there, somewhere. The answers that I seek are “here,” within me.
It has been a powerful lesson to learn. I am discovering that I am at the centre no matter where I am.