Wandering On The Edges of the Unconsious
I took a walk on the beach as sunset was approaching. For a change I took my camera, a habit that has fallen to the side here in Thailand. As some of you may already know, this is a reflective time for me. My limited posting, the choice of images and words may hint at what is bubbling beneath the surface. I do want to say that this is a process of choice for the most part. I want to be honest in saying “for the most part” as there is an internal, unconscious push at work as well. The process is alchemical in most aspects.
The process has me risking self-analysis, taking myself on as a patient, watching the process from the sidelines and recording data and then daring to ask my “self” some tough questions about what my “self” has said and seen. If this sounds a bit like “dissociation” you are correct. Dissociation is at work, but it has always been at work to some extent for all of us. There is a bit of difference for me in this work as I am “aware” of the dissociation. This isn’t about multiple personalities, it is about carving out a space of safe distance to monitor my “self.”
And in case you are wondering, I am safe.
In working through the stages of developing masculine identity as presented in Monick’s book, Castration and Male Rage, I seem to have run into a roadblock, one that deflected me from following through with the process of exploring and reflecting on these stages. Something said in the book, “booted me out” as a techie would describe it. My unconscious has its own firewalls built in for what it assumes in the protection of my psyche. Now, realising this, it becomes my task to return to the words – off blog – and find the hot spot that needs attention.
I hope that this kind of explanation indicates something of what is actually happening. In my own way, I am trying to re-approach analysis using my “self” as the primary case of study. Jung did somewhat the same thing as he took his moments of retreat into his tower at Bollingen. Freud, however, did it in such a direct and fairly complete way that I don’t think has ever been dared or duplicated. As I try this, I have the benefit of a safety net of colleagues, analysts that I can call on to haul me back in if I wander too deep into the water. As I see it, I am walking along the edges of the unconscious, aware of its presence just as I walk along the edge of the sea, aware of both the sea and what has been thrown up onto the sand, disgorged by that sea -disgorged by the unconscious for the conscious self to see.
Any questions? Well, just ask. I might even answer them.