Through a Jungian Lens

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Wanted: A Man With His Balls Intact

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castrati - giving them up for a woman's voice

Today’s photo was borrowed from a site that talks about how young males were castrated in order to be able to sing the treasured female voices in the papal choir during the eighteenth century. Most of this was done with parental consent in hopes that the honour of being in the papal choir would help take the family out of poverty. Sacrifice.  We tend to sacrifice our children.

However, this post isn’t about castrati, it is about how men psychologically castrate themselves in hopes that they become more lovable. In today’s world, being masculine is viewed through a distorted lens. Too many years of crude, rude, and violent patriarchal rule has left a sour taste in the modern psyche with regards to men and male sexuality. Today we teach our male children to be a kinder type of person. Young men now willingly help with childraising, housework and being involved in the lives of the women they marry. They abandon male friendships and become best friends with their female partners. However, somewhere along the way, they lose something integral to being male and the women in their lives let them know it. “Where are your balls?” is heard by these men who have tried so hard to be the perfect man for the treasured magical other, their mate.

I am bringing another quote from Robert Glover’s book called No More Mr. Nice Guy here that I found to help me understand a bit more of who I am and how I got this way:

“Due to their family and social conditioning, Nice Guys tend to seek the approval of women. Even as they are trying to become what they believe what women want them to be and doing what they believe what women want them to do, Nice Guys tend to experience tremendous frustration in gaining the approval the so intensely desire.

This frustration is due to the reality that, in general, women view men who try to please them as weak and hold these men in contempt. Most women do not want a man who tries to please them – they want a man who knows how to please himself. Women consistently share with me that they don’t want a passive, pleasing wimp. They want a man – someone with his balls intact.” (page 97)

Yet, how in this modern world does a man grow his balls back? The answer isn’t easy, nor does it guarantee much in the way of keeping a relationship that is wounded, wounded in part because a man ceased being a man will balls. The task demands that we begin to honour self, to believe that in taking care of oneself, one is actually making it easier for others to connect with ourselves. When we focus so much on others, being there for them, anticipating, consoling, giving, placating, providing, protecting – all the things that sound good but when taken to the point that it tells others that we think they are so weak and fragile and helpless: there is a natural tendency to push back by  the others. Do we retreat and try more subtle approaches to pleasing, or do we get the message.

Our partners deserve to believe in their own strength, to know that they are capable and independent people who chose to be in relationship. Our partners deserve to have a partner who is capable and independent who chose to bring the full self into the relationship with them. And, in the real picture, the full self of a man has balls.


9 Responses

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  1. Yes! And these are the guys who usually end up in the ‘friendship zone’. The one that the woman likes to take her problems to … you know, the Nice Guy, but would never consider making him a mate. He’s just, quite frankly, not man enough.

    My girlfriend told me that one of the most attractive things about me is that I seem to have a sense of direction and that I don’t really care what anyone else things about it. She called it strength. Now, I had been brought up, like lots of other males, in the environment that said that we were to be kinder, gentler, and cater to females. However, Dr. Glover put it, that’s not what they want at all.

    Another book that I read said that: A woman does not want to BE the adventure, she wants to be part of your adventure. It’s making sense, more and more, as I continue to reattach my balls! What a good feeling that is. I can feel free to be who I want to be.


    April 11, 2012 at 11:09 am

    • I want to thank you, again, for the idea of using Glover’s book as a way to wrap my head around some of my own “stuff.” I look forward to your sharing more of your discoveries found on your own personal journey.


      April 19, 2012 at 8:45 am

  2. Thanks Robert.

    Blood, horror, Mother just under the surface – as in the Cybele /Attis myth.

    (For example


    April 11, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    • Thanks, Ron, for the link to the Cybele myth. I think people in general don’t realise just how powerful and vital and needed myths are to our journey of consciousness, our journey of individuation which is a personal journey “within” the container of a large and messy world filled with people.


      April 19, 2012 at 8:48 am

  3. Exactly right on target. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say women will even push a man to his limits…& if he has none…and he just bends over…contempt is what bubbles up. We NEED to know he is the man…because that is part of where we find our security in a relationship. We must know the boundaries, and where he stands. That he is his own man…because if we can push him, then where does he stand on anything?

    I don’t want a brute, who’s unfeeling, uncaring…but I don’t want someone I can boss around either. And certainly NEVER for a partner!

    Thank-you for this post. I think once men assume their rightful role…WITH balls…the rifts between male/female relationships will improve greatly.

    Love, A. 🙂

    Goddess Aphrodite

    April 11, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    • I love how you “dare” to speak plainly and honestly, Aphrodite. The goddess wants a hero and will castrate all who do not take the challange, at least all that she can get her hands on.


      April 19, 2012 at 8:50 am

  4. Mr. Bly says this well in Iron John. It is worth rereading if you haven’t done so recently.


    April 11, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    • It has been a long time since reading “Iron John.” I am glad that you have brought him to our attention, good doctor Urspo. On my next trip back to the family homestead, I will find his book to bring back with me to this meditative chamber in which I have created for myself in a place far away.


      April 19, 2012 at 8:53 am

  5. @Goddess Aphrodite: Kudos for speaking it plainly! It’s rare to hear the truth. What we usually get is a confused mixture of nothingness. 🙂


    April 12, 2012 at 9:09 am

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