Meeting Anima as Avril
I sat beside Avril in the sunshine just outside of a sun-drenched hotel out in the country side, away from other places of human habitation. There were trees in the near distance, small bushes really with taller trees much further away. The open land was relatively flat between the edges of bush and where we sat. Looking toward the opposite direction, the scene curiously faded after not too much distance as if someone had forgotten to finish the painting of this pastoral scene in which Avril and I found ourselves. Our hotel was not so tall, just three levels. Our room was on the top floor, the only room which exited to a large open area that was garden-like.
Avril and I had just returned from a long walk across the fields to the bushes that formed the transition zone between field and forest. As expected, we didn’t see anyone as we strolled through the fields that invited us to walk even slower and enjoy the aroma of wild flowers and the symphony of hidden insects and birds. Though we walked barefoot, no stones or twigs caused us any discomfort. Avril led the way as we walked sometimes dancing in the sunshine which radiated off her skin which shone with a rich golden amber hue. I never tired of looking at her, especially at times like this when she was playful, urging me to join her in her dancing. And, as usual, I would end up smiling and loosen up a bit from my usual reticence. I knew better than to simply let go and follow her lead without question.
I enjoyed being unclothed in the sunshine as much as she did, perhaps even more. When Avril wasn’t around I would often find myself wearing clothing, covering up from the eyes of others whose angry stares were just waiting for a good reason to judge and then punish. When Avril returned into my life, the world changed in mysterious ways. There was still danger, but it wasn’t the same. The rules were all different when she was around. As if by magic, clothing simply didn’t exist. The disappearance of clothing was matched by a disappearance of almost all human life, like now where we were the only people in the hotel with no traffic moving down the highway that led to the hotel and then continued on to vanish in the distance. It was almost as perfect as a setting could be, a Garden of Eden with amenities.
I had been here before, well not exactly here at this hotel, but at this same sense of utopian well-being. Being with Avril usually began this way, an exhilarating rush of endorphins that a man would expect to be gifted with as he was in the presence of a goddess, a naked goddess. Yes, Avril was like a goddess and she was naked. Though I could appreciate the exquisite perfection of Avril, there were no thoughts of engaging in any sexual activity. It was more than enough simply to be in her presence. Aril wasn’t a human though she looked like one. It is hard to accurately describe her as what appears to the eye is as much a mirage as it is a body. When we hold hands, it feels as if I am actually holding her hand. There are no accompanying physical sensations.
I have to explain something here before I can continue on with this recollection. Avril almost always comes to me at night. She waits until I have fallen asleep. On rare occasions she does come during the daylight hours when I have slipped into a quiet inner space as if I have been meditating. It took me a few years to understand that Avril lived within me. I guess you could call her my soul, but even that isn’t quite accurate. I like the word anima better as that word is fuller and contains a dark presence as well as a light presence.
It isn’t always a blessing to be in her presence. I will tell you more about this the next time we meet here. Now, I need to walk in that sunshine, not alone, but not with Avril, for I have a life that is filled with substance and others – not the Garden of Eden, but good none-the-less.