On Being One Day Older
The birthday is done and life continues on as if it never occurred. That is a significant reality that is worthy of a bit more thought. Time, in spite of our best efforts, seems to have no markers, no sense of following a straight line for measuring days, months and years. Now matter how we think and attempt to control time, we are always stuck in the present moment with the past a the future just holding the value of some misty idea in our heads. I can now say I am 65, but that means nothing in terms of my waking up from a sleep world into a world where I continue to experience the simple fact that I am.
I have four of my grandsons staying at my home for a change of experience from their normal experiences of daily life. I get to play, to referee, to sit in the stands encouraging, to tell stories and to be there quietly when both they and I need quietness. There is a constant ebb and flow that is amazingly similar to breathing. It doesn’t matter what I have written, what photos I have taken, or that I consider myself as a Jungian psychotherapist, a Buddhist, and a naturist. All that matters is that I am here, breathing and being, present in these moments that shift with my breath.
Sitting on my back patio with my wife in the early morning while others are still sleeping, letting my body soak in the morning sun; shifts into a state of being clothed and talking with the first of the grandchildren to wake up. As the sun creeps higher into the sky there is a constant shifting of activity and presence, like some sort of dance. My thoughts take me to times decades past before returning to the present where I engage with one of my grandsons who is trying to build a bird house out of old wood. Then my thoughts turn to the future as I check out weather forecasts for the following two days in spite of the fact that weather forecasts are not all that reliable. Then, it is back to the present and being present. We’ll make a final decision on future activities at the last minute based on the then current conditions.
I guess that I am older as I can tolerate this ambiguity of present, past and future much better than in the past. I don’t need to attempt to control the universe. Que sera, sera.